Man plans; God laughs.
— Yiddish proverb
Thirteen months and one week ago I began this substackuary reloading of Attempts, with the hopes to do a serious essay every other week, and lighter fare on off weeks. Then, precisely one year ago (on my 52nd birthday) I published the first story of Retcon, my new mosaic narrative, made up of a projected twenty-seven stories. Grand plans, made with bold heart and high hopes.
It worked for a while.
In mid-April 2023, my father fell; as he lived alone, he was not found for a long time. This began a not-quite-seven-month period in which he was in very poor health and, despite a few hopeful patches, in a largely steady decline. I began spending a lot of time in Cambridge, Massachusetts—and a lot of time on the road between there and home.
My father died on November 7, 2023.
Now I won’t say that these events were the sole reason for my falling off my horse on these twin projects I embarked upon. I won’t say that for the very simple reason that they weren’t. As far as my essays went, I had begun posting them because I had a store of already-written ones that I wanted to usher out into the world, and that store ran dry sometime in the summer. Of course I had planned to use the time that I was posting them to try and get ahead.
And then God (in Julia Sweeny’s memorable phrase) said “Ha!”
Similarly, for the stories, I will admit I got stuck (structurally and aesthetically) on story eight. There were issues to work out in the structure and events of the narrative. But I had allowed plenty of time to work them out. I would have no trouble meeting, I thought, the upcoming deadline.
And then God said, “Ha!”
So I took a break. I paused these essays—first for summer vacation, and then indefinitely. I missed my self-deadline for “Retcon”, without setting a new one. But surely, now that my father had actually died, I would be able to get rapidly back in the swing of things?
You can guess what God said. — Or was it me? My failing, flailing mind?1
At any rate, I’ve been stuck for a while. Trying to dig myself out of it. Setting myself deadlines—I was really hoping, for instance, to have the eighth story of Retcon finished and published today (on the first anniversay of the first story’s appearance, and a mere six months late. But I am not writing something announcing that, so you can guess how that went.
Still, I want to hold myself to a higher standard. Start over. Try again.
So I am putting up some deadlines here, publically, and hoping that you, my loyal audience, will help me hold myself to them. Here are my birthday promises to myself:
I will put up at least one new, substantial essay each month for the next year, so one by April 9, one by May 9, and so on.
Retcon story #8, “Screaming in Circles”, will be published on April 9 of this year.
Retcon story #9, “Retcon”, will be published on May 9 of this year.
I am not yet willing to commit to a date for the start of movement two of Retcon (i.e. story #10), but I am tentatively hoping to have it out by September 9 of this year.
So that’s my plan. I hope this update will answer any curiosity that anyone who subscribes to this substack (and/or has been reading along in Retcon) has.
And I hope that God will, for at least a while, keep me from tripping into His Ha-Ha!s.
…humans began digging a canal across the Gulf of Corinth more than three thousand years ago and finished it in 1893. It’s worth trying things again.
— Ada Palmer, Perhaps the Stars, p. 573
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If God is omnipotent, there is, in fact, arguably no difference.